Joke Thread!

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by redrazor11, Aug 13, 2011.

  1. Dragnoak

    Dragnoak Notebook Evangelist

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    "Ole Blue"
    A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college.
    Half way through the semester, having foolishly
    squandered all his money .... he calls home.
    "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education
    is developing! They actually have a program here in Alabama
    that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"
    "That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue
    in that program?"
    "Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says
    "and I'll get him in the course."
    So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.
    About two-thirds of the way through the semester,
    the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
    "So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his father asks.
    "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you
    just won't believe this -- they've had such good results
    they have started to teach the animals how to read!"
    "Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue
    in that program?"
    "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
    The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.
    At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog
    can neither talk, nor read.
    So he shoots the dog.
    When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father
    is all excited.
    "Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read
    something and talk!"
    "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday
    morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was
    in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading
    the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does".
    "Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy
    still messing around with that little redhead who lives
    down the street?"
    The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot
    that lying SOB before he talks to your Mother!"
    "I sure did, Dad!"
    "That's my boy!"
    The kid went on to law school, and now serves in
    Washington D.C. as a Congressman.
     
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  2. Dragnoak

    Dragnoak Notebook Evangelist

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    One Monday morning the postman was walking through the neighborhood on his usual route, delivering the mail. As he approached one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.

    His wonder was cut short by Craig, the home owner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

    'Wow Craig, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the Postman commented.

    Craig, in obvious pain, replied, 'Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first time I have felt like moving since 4:00 o’clock Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I?'

    The Postman thought for a moment and said, 'How do you play WHO AM I?'

    ‘Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is..'

    The postman laughed and said, 'Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it.'

    'Probably a good thing you did,' Craig responded, 'Your name came up 7 times.'
     
  3. Tristan

    Tristan ???

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    That's gold! I love it!
     
  4. Dragnoak

    Dragnoak Notebook Evangelist

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    A retired guy sits around the house all day so one day his wife says, “Joe, you could do something useful, like vacuum the house once a week”.The guy gives it a moment’s thought and says; “sure why not. Show me to the vacuum.
    Half an hour later, the guy comes into the kitchen to get some coffee. His wife says, “I didn't hear the vacuum working, I thought you were using it”? Exasperated, Joe answers,”The stupid thing is broken, it won't start. We need to buy a new one”. “Really”, she says, “show me - it worked fine the last time”. So he did (Click Here)...
     
  5. HTWingNut

    HTWingNut Moo

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    Here you go...

    [​IMG]
     
  6. killkenny1

    killkenny1 Too weird to live, too rare to die.

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    You ruined the punchline :D.
    This how it should look:
    [​IMG]
     
  7. panamaniacs2011

    panamaniacs2011 Notebook Consultant

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    dont know if this one is already posted but here it goes:

    why console gamers get dizzy on a gallery?
    because there are too many frames :)
     
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  8. Convel

    Convel Notebook Evangelist

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    What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
    Virgin Mobile.
     
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  9. Convel

    Convel Notebook Evangelist

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    How do you make holy water?
    Put it in a pot and boil the hell out of it.
     
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  10. Fishon

    Fishon I Will Close You

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    I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
     
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