Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Nick, Feb 14, 2012.

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  1. The Happy Swede

    The Happy Swede Notebook Evangelist

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    Wow, that was somewhat of a scene that video caused : / Well i dont really have an opinion on it, though i would want him to open the laptop so we could see the insides :3
     
  2. Tree_Burner

    Tree_Burner Notebook Deity

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    If you read the whole article you'll find out she and her dad still have a good relationship and she's learning from her mistake

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I777 using Tapatalk
     
  3. masterchef341

    masterchef341 The guy from The Notebook

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    I think the action taken was mediocre. It got the basic idea of punishment for misbehavior down, but it left much to be desired. It was certainly better than doing nothing. Here are my thoughts.

    I believe that from a first-level parenting game-theory perspective, punishing a child for misbehaving is critical. Absolutely take away privileges, including the laptop. So that much is good.

    However, there are some other second-level considerations. As a parent, he should really be modeling proper adult behavior. Unfortunately, what was done by the parent was ultimately quite similar to what was done by the teenager. Even though "he was right and she was wrong", the modeled behavior of making that film and posting it on facebook is very much like the act that she committed. It teaches the teenager the exact behavior she already performed is actually acceptable behavior if you have been wronged. Coincidentally, the teenager did feel wronged, even if her view of reality was warped. So the learning experience she has from this may miss the intended mark.

    You may think "an eye for an eye" (and this is precisely how the parent considered this, it was a simple eye for an eye type of punishment) - but you have to keep in mind the relationship between a child (or teenager) and a parent does not fit with an eye for an eye. The relationship is inherently one-sided parent dominant. The parent gives and the child takes. The parent is responsible for the child. That's the normal relationship.

    So, simple example, if a child screams at you, that is not acceptable behavior. How do we teach the child not to scream? Consider the option of screaming back at the child with the intent of demonstrating how unpleasant the experience is. Unfortunately, by taking that action, you inherently validate the behavior. The child may understand that you didn't like the fact that he or she was screaming. The child may even find it unpleasant. Nevertheless, the child also learns that screaming is a valid retaliatory behavior. You haven't progressed anywhere, because the child will still have retaliatory feelings whenever there is conflict, so the child will still scream whenever there is conflict. Screaming war ensues.

    If a behavior is not to be tolerated, the last thing you want to do is model that behavior back to the child in retaliation. A combination of privilege restriction and direct interactive communication seems to be more adult way of handling this. This is the type of behavior you want to model.

    I'm not detracting from the fact that the teenager is clearly in the wrong. I do feel that the parent's action was okay, but just okay. The parent ultimately issued the punishment out of emotion rather than cognitive deliberation. He fired a gun in order to destroy his own personal property in a state of emotional distress. That was the action he chose to undertake. These are also not behaviors which are good to model to children.

    I'm not sure if I got the point across exactly, but this is basically how I feel about it. Adults are not on the same level as children, and eye-for-eye type punishments do not make any sense given that type of relationship.
     
  4. MidnightSun

    MidnightSun Emodicon

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    This, times 100.
     
  5. ViciousXUSMC

    ViciousXUSMC Master Viking NBR Reviewer

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    One thing that made no sense to me is how he wanted her to pay for the software (and even bullets) LOL.

    Your the one that just shot it full of holes dude, you broke it and thus its your responsibility not hers.

    Example:

    RAWRRR! WHY YOU NO CLEAN HOUSE! (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
    ::Burns down house to make over the top example::

    "I hope your happy with what you did never cleaning the house, and now your going to have to pay for the new wood floor that I just put in the kitchen"

    o_O
     
  6. s2odin

    s2odin Merrica!

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    Or why even buy software lol.
    There are plenty of free alternatives to 99% of software out there. If it was for school she probably needed MS office. Get Open Office. She probably had some viruses too, so download MBAM/SAS/ any other program like that.

    Meh, oh well.
     
  7. masterchef341

    masterchef341 The guy from The Notebook

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    Yeah, the IT guy should know you don't need to buy a young teenager hundreds of dollars worth of software for highschool
     
  8. Fishon

    Fishon I Will Close You

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    But having Adobe Master Suite installed on my boys computer sure helped him in his graphic design class.
     
  9. masterchef341

    masterchef341 The guy from The Notebook

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    I'm sure whatever software he purchased would have helped her as well. Doesn't change the fact that it wasn't necessary. Free alternatives to photoshop and microsoft office are more than suitable for high school level content creation.

    For office, something like google docs in place of any locally run office suite would also solve the problem of backing up your work, and of making sure you can work from more than one location. Pretty much ideal for a high school student.
     
  10. MAA83

    MAA83 Notebook Evangelist

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    How many kids in semi-rural US public high schools who aren't computer nerds do you see running open office? yeah.

    Also, demonstrating bad behavior as a tool for discipline doesn't validate said behavior.

    How many of you HAVE kids? I know for sure some of you do, but a lot of the comments seem like "well if iiiii had kids I would/wouldn't do _____" If you are just an adult, or just a child, or raised someone elses kid, or have lots of baby sitting experience, then you're just one side of the perspective here and I don't see how anyone in that perspective can offer opinions of worth when it comes to parenting skills. As Tree Burner noted, they're both doing just fine. Tough love works.

    Was it the BEST course of action? Maybe, maybe not. But anyone here who says they take the BEST course of action when raising their child is either one of those 'my child is the best' helicopter parents ignorant of their child's real personality and character, or is lying out their butt. The important thing is that it worked. That's it. When it comes to parenting, the ends do justify the means (as long as the means aren't illegal or immoral), because your child is a culmination of their experiences with you and the world around them. Eventually you'll die, and they'll be what you influenced them to me. Parenting logically with your children, it works sometimes, but more often than not when I see parents trying to manage their preteens and teens as adults, all you get is a spoiled brat who knows they can push you THIS far and all you'll do is have a talk with the school counselor, or ground them for a couple months. Grounding is wholly ineffective. Timeout died in the 19th century as a form of discipline.

    Tough love will also help your kid get a slightly thicker skin than the average child these days. I hate hearing about parents actually SUING other parents or school systems because little johnny came home crying because all the kids called him Fatty McFatFats or something like that. She'll be no worse for wear even though her laptop got shotup and posted to facebook, but it may help her deal with other tough situations in the future as well.
     
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