Joke Thread!

[JOSEA]

^^^ I can not top that

Did you hear the Eagles just signed Peyton Manning?


Now they they 2 quarterbacks that will never lead the team to Super Bowl Title.

[jimbob83]

Doctors vs. Gun Owners


Doctors

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.

(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health and Human Services.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Now think about this:

Guns

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.

(Yes, that's 80 million)

(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.

(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188

Statistics courtesy of FBI

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,

BUT

Almost everyone has at least one doctor.

This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.

We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Out of concern for the public at large, we withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention!

[killkenny1]

Although I don't think that's a joke.

[Kuroi-Tsubasa]

^^^I think his choice in hairstyle is a joke. But I'm just being mean.

(Chrispy > Skrillex imo, but music is music)

[Charles P. Jefferies]

Guys, all links need to be PG rated. No violence, cursing, sensuality, etc.

[JOSEA]

What is the difference between an Irish wake and an Irish wedding ?


One less drunkard

[JOSEA]

Channeling Carnac the Magnificient:
The answer is louis vuitton, Phyllis Diller, and Rush Limbaugh

Spoiler :

Name a hand bag, an old bag and a wind bag

[ray4jc]

The Car

There were three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer.

Suddenly, the car stops running and they pull off to the side of the road wondering what could be wrong.

Spoiler :

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault may have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

The Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, came up with a suggestion. "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, and open all the windows and see if it works?"

[miro_gt]

visibly depressed man walked out of an office building while pulling out an iPhone 4s.

- siri, what's my situation ?

Spoiler :

- you just got fired;
- your wife is divorcing you, so you're about to lose the house;
- your car broke down yesterday;
- ... you're pretty ....ed up.
(pause)
- at least pay your phone bill before trying to walk onto the incoming traffic ..

lol, I just made that ^ up

[Han Bao Quan]

visibly depressed man walked out of an office building while pulling out an iPhone 4s.

- siri, what's my situation ?

Spoiler :

- you just got fired;
- your wife is divorcing you, so you're about to loose the house;
- your car broke down yesterday;
- ... you're pretty ....ed up.
(pause)
- at least pay your phone bill before trying to walk onto the incoming traffic ..

lol, I just made that ^ up

You mean "lose" not "loose"