Point 2 reminded me of something:

During the call where the CSR offered me a U2312HM, I read Chris's post word-for-word to the CSR, who told me outright that what Chris said was incorrect, and that the appropriate replacement for the 2209WA was a U2212HM.

At the very end of this process, during the final call, I had the opportunity to speak to a supervisor. He apologized about the initial replacement (I'm assuming he was referring to the U2212HM) and informed me that "the product team" was responsible for sending out replacements. He also told me that this would be addressed in the future, so I will be very interested in hearing the experiences of other 2209WA owners going forward.